Talk to Me About Resentment

What comes up for you right now, when I invite you to tell me about resentment?

tl;dr: This is a short one! I’m asking for your thoughts about resentment. Read on! 

On a different note, we’ve had an awesome response to our Coaching Cohort for Facilitators. So exciting! You can still let us know if you are interested. Either in our January cohort or in future cohorts.

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Talk to me about resentment. Seriously. I want to hear back from you.

I realize that this might be a strange question to be asking during the Holiday Season. So let me tell you a bit about my timing. And then I’lll get more clear about my request.

We are launching another BOOST Your Practice in January.¹ And my creative practice for next month’s BOOST will be a writing project on resentment. It will be great to hear from you now. So that this part of the research is done, and I can start the writing as soon as we launch on January 6.

I don’t want to say much about resentment here, because I don’t want to bias your thinking.

So instead take a moment and notice… just notice… 

What comes up for you right now, when I invite you to tell me about resentment?

Take a little pause, and feel your body. 

What are you able to share with me?

Resentment in December

Ok, now. It’s not completely weird that I ask about resentment during the holiday season. Many of our family dynamics are rife with resentment. And when we get together, it’s when it comes to the surface.

This is also the time when we become aware of the people who are not about to get a holiday card. And we also notice who is not inviting us to their holiday party.

Resentment is also an appropriate topic for those of us processing the election. And the unbelievable aftermath that is unfolding before our very eyes. Our age of polarization can be accurately described as the age of grievance and resentment.

I’m hoping you will get back to me. You are welcome to share from across the gamut of this human experience that is resentment. From the personal to the organizational, to the spiritual, to the intellectual, to the societal.

Here are some questions to help get your thinking going.

You don’t have to answer all of these!

This is not a questionnaire.

I’ll be grateful if you share about any situation in your life. The questions are just meant to stimulate a juicy response.

There are all kinds of ways you can get back to me. Scroll to the end to see the options.

Here go some questions:

What is resentment?

How are you resentful?

When is resentment justified?

Why do you hold on to resentment?

How do you let go of resentment?

Where do you want to let go of resentment, but you can’t?

Where is resentment most intense?

• At work?

• In politics?

• In your family?

• Against your ex?

• Against your parents?

• People in your past?

• People in your life right now?

• Against dominant groups?

• Against whole systems?

• Against groups that keep talking about oppression all the time?

Are you resentful about history?

Do you get resentful about giving too much, and not getting enough in return?

Does emotional labor make you resentful?

Are you resentful of people who are more successful than you?

People that have something you don’t have?

What does resentment protect you from?

How does it feel in your body?

Is there someone that holds resentment against you?

(This one is definitely true for me!)

More than one person?

How does that make you feel?

What do you wish you could do about it?

What does your culture say about resentment?

Anything from the wisdom traditions?

How do you work with your resentment?

Getting your responses back to me

You can use whatever option works best for you.

• Reply to this email

• Write in the comments section on Substack

• Send me a voice memo

• Send me a video of yourself talking to me

• Share your thoughts anonymously by using this form

• Aaaaand! I actually think this can be a fun and deep way to get really into the conversation, if a few of us decide to do it…

  • We’ll add you to a “Marco Polo” Group. Marco Polo will allow us to get into a conversation about resentment by leaving and watching video messages as each of us have the time. Sort of like a zoom meeting, but we don’t have to be there at the same time.

  • Here is a quick video of how it works.

  • Share your name here and we can jump on this experiment together

  • You’ll have to download the app.

Unless you share in a public forum, like Marco Polo or the comments section, you can assume I will keep your thoughts in confidence.

If you know others who could add to this conversation, please share this note with them. People could range from healers to twelve-steppers to religious people, to righteously angry people. Anyone you know who would appreciate a space to say what they want to say.

I’m feeling quite excited about this writing project. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time. And there is nothing like BOOST Your Practice to get a creative effort off the ground.

Your thoughts and experiences are invaluable. I can’t wait to hear from you.

1. We launch BOOST Your Practice on January 6. Día de los Reyes where I grew up. Click here for information.